Mother Near Me by Aaron Jepson May 6, 2016 Mother are you listening to me? Heart is beating in sync with yours. Soon the time for me to enter, Eyes will meet and mine will close. Am I a child that came with angels? Am I an answer to a prayer? Am I a loved and precious addition To a family sealed forever? Mother, are you sad and crying? Has your heart begun to tear? Do I ask a price that’s heavy, Far too much for you to bear? My new beginning has been challenged, Travelling on a winding road. My journey starts a little different. My future feels a little cold. My mind is mostly fogged and damaged, My spirit housed in misty seas. I cannot speak and say I love you. I show love by other means. I love you for the hours of giving All you are and all you’ll be. A mother’s job is never easy. A mother’s love will never cease. Am I the son that makes you happy? Am I the son you really need? Am I the son that you are proud of? I’m trying to be in word and deed. Am I the one who knows you better? Sometimes I know how you can grieve. Are you the one who makes me stronger? What can I do to give relief? Mom, you teach me and protect me From the pain of Satan’s lies. Without you, I would be a wanderer Lost and lonely in his vice. A distant time and far away manger, A quiet, starry night so clear, A Savior born to virgin mother, A baby soft and sacred dear. As Christ was born to mortal mother, As Mary felt the pain and angst, Am I a son to ask for better? Am I more worthy or more a saint? A beautiful, soft and special woman Made for a sacred mission here, No one knew the pain she suffered When Christ the Lord was hanging there. Must we ask our Lord and Savior Why our mothers are so dear? What answer can He give that tells us More than what He showed us here? Behold, Thy Mother was His challenge To all of us that faith adhere. I love you, Mother, with all my spirit, All my soul, I need you near. Editor’s note (mom): http://jepsonfiles.com/2016/05/mothers-day/
I am not much of a theater goer but I can imagine that people who enjoy that sort of thing would like a play about someone who worries about what other people think of them. People with autism think about that, too, but we can’t dwell on it or we would be depressed all of the time. I’m so glad that the people that I care about the most love me for who I am. I can’t imagine living your life always trying to please everyone else. Shouldn’t we all be more accepting of each other so that everyone feels loved? I think so. Maybe I should write a play about autistic people who conquer the world, one kind act at a time. Aaron. Playwright extraordinaire.
I often think that people are pretty clueless about autism. My suspicion was proven true again, recently. Without going into detail, there was a situation at school when an adult said some things about our class of special needs kids that was hurtful and petty. Why do people assume that we can’t understand what is being said around us? Many, many times, learned men and women try to show that they are smart and use language that is flowery and impressive, but inside, they are simple and dense. Truth is, the people with autism that can speak, all frequently talk about helping others. Maybe we aren’t the ones that need fixing. I am pretty sad this week because of some inconsiderate language. Maybe I will get over it soon. But, people need to think before they speak. I don’t have a choice but most of the rest of you do. Make good choices. Please make someone feel better using words, not make them feel worse. Autism is hard enough. Love, Aaron.
One of my favorite books as a child was If You Give A Mouse A Cookie. It shows how our actions always have consequences and lead to more reactions and these are not always part of the original intent. A lot of cool lessons are taught in this story like how people often have made a mistake and then tried to cover it up with another mistake and it spirals out of control. And simple fixes become complicated and may not be able to be cleaned up. If you go against the trend of not taking responsibility for your actions and own up to your mistakes up front, life will be much simpler in the end. Just a nugget of wisdom that I learned as a child. Love to read simple stories. . . . .Aaron. Watch me make it a cool book. And a child will teach them. And such is the kingdom of God. Suffer the little children and bring them unto me. Christ always loved the children first. So must we.
A while ago, my mom and dad read this book to me. I don’t remember most of it but I do remember the feeling that I had while they read it. I felt like running and shouting because a boy and a book became real to me. I understood a lot about what he was saying about how colors helped him understand the world around him better. My own experience has been different. I don’t see colors but after reading the book, I realized that numbers and letters do the same thing for me. ABC magnets became like a way for me to make a little more sense of my world. A is the letter that I use to be calm. B helps me be brave. C helps me be courageous. D is very dull. E is exciting. F is my favorite. G is great. H is helpful. I is my ingenuity. J is my jealous letter. K is for kindness. L is for loyalty. M is for mom. N is for nature. O is obedience. P is for peace and Q is for quiet. R is for reading. S is for surety. T is for truth. U is for understanding. V is for virtue. W is for wanting. X is for exaltation. Y is for yearning. Z is for zany. I am always thinking about letters. It is how I can navigate my world. I find the letter that makes sense in a situation and think about how that letter makes me feel and then I am better able to deal with my environment. The numbers do similar things for me but they are not as descriptive so I prefer letters. Thanks for listening to my crazy brain. Thanks for letting me explain my obsession. My real obsession is understanding how my own brain works and why letters mean so much to me. I hope to figure it out someday. Until then, have a P and Q day. Aaron. In every brain, there is a pattern. I am thankful for what I can do with mine and hope that it will keep letting me do new things. Bye now. Ciao. Aloha. Hasta la vista. Bon voyage. Arrivederci. So long, people.
I am always talking but am about as nonverbal as my brother Austin. That is because the things that come out of my mouth are just the nonsense that I have in my brain. About 2 years ago, my mom took me to Soma at HALO and she taught me how to type on a letter board. It was an amazing experience and now because I can communicate, I know that I have a future. I don’t know how she does it but she just expects you to know the answer. I guess it just gives us confidence that we can do it. My ability to communicate has opened up my world. I am so thankful that I can share my thoughts! I am now able to use an iPad and am always trying to get better at writing independently. I still usually hold the hand of my mom or dad when I type because it helps me see the letters more clearly for some reason and helps calm my thoughts. My teacher at school is helping me to type independently and I am getting much better at it. And I am going to keep working hard because I want to go to college some day and it’s not like my parents can come to class with me, can they? Now, I assure you that all of these words are mine. My language is the key to my success. I am going to succeed. I promise! Aaron. Wordsmith and thesaurus reader. And among the most agile authors in my house. Ok, the most agile author in my house. [Editor’s note (dad): Hey!!!!] Later.
My mom and dad understand me like no one else. Just like my mom once said, “Normal is overrated.” I love this saying because it means that extraordinary things come out of otherwise normal people. I think now that my most important work and passion is to be very friendly to the people who think that they don’t have any love in their life. Maybe all that those people need is more kindness. Maybe all they need is more love and understanding and support. Maybe all they need is more people to believe in them and in their potential. Love changes everything and love gives hope, pain goes away and anger no longer wins. I am lucky because I have love in my life. I am very blessed because my parents show me every day that they love me. Not everyone is so lucky and that makes me sad. More personally, I am sad that Austin’s real parents couldn’t show him love when he was a baby. I’m glad we adopted him because now he is loved. Maybe they weren’t loved by their parents either. Maybe it is just a vicious cycle but now it’s broken and I’m thankful for that. Austin is a great soul and I’m glad he is in our family. After all is said and done, love heals all wounds. Am I a doctor? And maybe I am but now all I can do is write. Aaron. May happiness follow us. Do you start to see me? A little boy emerging from a shell.
My mom loves political news stories. She is always making comments about how many lousy politicians we have that spoil the country and give us a bad name. Mom and Dad love to vent about Donald Trump especially. He and Ted Cruz are scary to think about as president of the United States. My mom thinks that Mitt Romney should jump into the race again. I am a bit uncertain who I would vote for but I’m afraid that I am a bit appalled at the choices. A new leader should be someone who can treat others with respect. A new leader should be able to cooperate with others. A new leader should be able to be a man or woman of integrity. A new leader should be a person who believes in America and makes choices that are for the common good. A new leader understands our place in the world as an example of how a nation should come together in respect of freedom. A new leader is one that can make us better than what we are. A new leader should be able to show restraint against the many threats that will always exist. A new leader wants to be good for goodness sake. America is good and we need a leader who is good also. Why do we not have any choices that warrant the position that they are running for? Maybe mom is right. Romney would get my vote. Aaron. A man on a mission. Reach to the stars. Mitt for President. May God Bless America. The end. [Editor’s note (dad): Myth #5–people with autism are not aware of or concerned with the world around them. This is the first indication to us that Aaron was listening to or cared about this topic.]
My next topic is a challenging one, but I am ready to tackle it. My favorite thing in the world is hanging out with my dad.
Hi everyone. My name is Aaron Jepson. Bryan Jepson is my dad and he has invited me to share my thoughts with all of you on this blog. I am excited to do that because I have a lot to say and am grateful for this method of communication. I am an autistic male with very limited language skills. That being said, I can type my thoughts and love to let people know that I am intelligent and well-spoken. It is unimaginably difficult to be trapped in my body when my mind is not autistic. I really want more than anything to be able to just speak. But so far, I am still unable to do it. I am working every day to improve my communication skills. It is extremely frustrating and painful process but I’ll never give up. My gift is that I can reach people through my words even if I have to write them down first. My dad’s book, The Record Player, paints a really accurate picture of the struggles of autism and how it affects everyone in the family. I definitely feel like Gabe much of the time. He was trapped without any way to really express his gift until Rudy discovered him in the grocery store in a moment of panic and anxiety. Gabe must have felt like no one could understand what he was going through until that moment when Beth took him to the Symphony practice hall. I loved how he went right in without hesitation because he knew that this was his chance to show his talent. I cheered for him at the symphony performance. It was so cool to feel the emotion of the music and how it matched Beth’s mood. I think that the book is a very beautiful tribute to Beth and mothers of autistic children everywhere. My own mother means so much to me that I can’t imagine life without her. I know how much she feels when I am struggling or when I am sad. I am so grateful for her sacrifice for me and think that she is my saving angel. I am really thankful for my dad also. He makes me want to be better and always encourages me to learn new things. I know that because of my parents, my autism will not prevent me from being successful and I am going to make a difference in this world. The title of this post is knowledge is power. I called it that because I truly believe that I am placed in this position as an autistic person so that I can help others learn how to overcome challenges whether it is autism or something else. My autism is a sounding block for me to be a voice for others who don’t have one. I am grateful for my ability to type because I am able to express the inner thoughts that many people with autism probably are having but don’t have a way to express it. Autism has taken a lot from me and I used to hate it so much but now I […]